Brucie the Blondie challenging Bernois with Braces and Bernie
the Bagel.
Anything refereeing to the
ANUS emits a disgusting “eeww” or a
crinkling of the nostril affecting a malodorous pong. But I can assure you that in the the course
of a your daily food intake, you have
probably ingested the anus glands of a beaver on a daily basis; be it breakfast
lunch or dinner.
The
glands are milked to extract this fluid, and squirts out an annual collection of
roughly 292 lbs per year. This googey
dark liquid is FDA approved but it is
not required to be listed as an ingredient on food items and instead is listed as
“natural flavorings” instead.
What
could this be, you may ask nervously, unsure whether to google this new factoid
– it really isn’t new, humanoids have used this for as long as 80 years. …… Let me not keep you in the dark, this
anal gland of beavers is Castoreum. It
is either in Liquid form or Extract used
“mainly in
foods and beverages as part of a substitute vanilla flavoring” quoted from Wikipedia.
Vanilla
is our stairway to the taste of paradise.
In a roundabout way, the scented vanilla swirling up your nostrils as you bend down to have a morsel of pastry;
the taste and aroma can transport you to many unremembered corners of your
life.
Heavenly
or not the only way to judge is to taste several brands of “default flavor” ice
cream. The “default flavor” is
naturally Vanilla, hence we return to the “back-end” of the Beaver which
doubtless for some will produce wanton
thoughts or an immediate reaction of
revulsion. By way of gluttony, I have selected the
world’s three top brands.
Dutch-sounding
by name, but American by nature is Häagen-Dazs;
the American know-how in diary products surpassing many other brands in the
high-end stakes. Jewish founder, Reuben
Mattus from the Bronx, NY made a tribute to Denmark’s exemplary treatment of
its Jews during the Second World War –
and invented the "Danish-sounding"
"Häagen-Dazs". Sixty years in
the making, they have begun phasing out
GMO (Genetically modified
Organism) and Castoreum is NOT one of them.
Coming
from farm land, pastures green and pollution free, New Zealand’s Natural is
known for dairy superiority bringing the freshest and best ingredients. It all
began with a chance meeting in 1984… While
on a flight crossing the Tasman Sea, Rael Polivnick, founder of the company,
met a New Zealander whose wife loved ice cream but was allergic to any
artificial colourings or flavourings. As he sought for ways that could allow
his wife to indulge in her favourite frozen treat, the distraught New Zealander
eventually came up with his own recipe using only the finest and freshest
ingredients to make the ice cream.
The challenge is on. Australasia contending with the Alpine vs the Bronx; getting you in the mood for fun it is like the equivalent of:
Brucie the Blondie challenging Bernois with Braces and Bernie the Bagel.
Blind folded by my trusted friend, each spoonful was placed in my mouth savouring the texture, sensation, sweetness, vanilla flavor, and the aroma wafting through the icy cold vapour.
The first sensation not unlike shaving cream – although never eaten shaving cream, but I did once kissed a man while he was shaving - the morning after the ecstatic night before. The cream and sugar beaten with all the universal-oxygen - left a very foamy emptiness sweetened unnaturally sending a clacky feeling at the back of the throat. A ring of disappointment. Vanilla yes, aromatic not so much. Although it did send memories of that special morning; shaving cream and all……
My second spoonful was a definite improvement, Very creamy and rich, it did fall heavily on the thick diary side imparting much sugary sweetness, A reminder this time of my first Paris experience of eating a phallic shaped ice-cream without a spoon. Dexterity, experience and hunger allowed me to devour every drop without dribbling as evidence of a satiated diner. Although chocolate; inside was vanilla - I swear.
The third sinful spoonful managed to take me to the seventh layer of heaven. The combination of cream sugar and eggs and the beaver butt made me realize all along that this was the taste I was haunted by since that very sinful day in Blackpool, Lancashire in the United Kingdom many summers ago. Although I don't have to fly to UK, when urgings rumble, I can honestly say Haagen Dazs imitates Nostriani's extremely well and cravings abated.
We shared and devoured the third ice-cream, both knowing which one came up tops. As I have always thought, expensive never guarantees the best; cheap is always cheap for a reason but dollar for dollar, my Jewish –Danish concoction Bernie from the Bronx, alias Haagen Dazs took the prize.
The meter in which to judge comes from Nostriani’s Ice Cream In Blackpool. They only make Vanilla Ice-cream; no other flavors and now into their third and fourth generation, the granddaughter is running this superb ice cream parlour. If you venture to the North West of the United Kingdom; take a detour to Blackpool seaside and visit Notriani. Since 1937, through WWII, with its sugar ration, losing their men to Hitler’s dominance, Luigi Notriani, an Italian immigrant has managed to keep his recipe intact and produce the most devastating Vanilla Ice Cream, beaver or no beaver.
Bubble Chucks, a satisfied
customers says it all: There is
ice-cream and then there is Notarianni's ice-cream. We visited earlier this
week during a trip to the north of England. We chose to have it unencumbered by
sprinkles and sauces. It is creamy, flavoursome and oh so unctuous and moreish.
-
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