SEX AND BEER

Marc Antony looked down on Caesar's body
He said "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me you ear
I did not come here to praise Caeser, I came here for sex and beer.

Lyrics from Pat McCurdy

Every now and again I have this desire to understand men.   When I think I do, they leave me bewildered.  Supposedly very simple creatures, all books say to keep them to stay, willingly, there are three things they need. According to Steve Harvey, the author of  “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man” very simply men need  Support, Loyalty and “the cookie” Harvey’s euphemism for Sex.   

My theory to know a man, is to know his drink.   The drinks cabinet in the house I grew up had a cool selection from Vermouth to Vodka (my father had style and taste) but never missing in the fridge were different types of Beer (for others).  By the time I had my own house, beer was stocked with the same equal amount of bottled water.  (I went for a different kind of man) And by the time my sons were able to share their taste of the amber liquid with their Dad, the bottled water was squeezed into the far corner obliterated by a variety of beers.   So it is time I raided the fridge, take hold of my own kitchen and tasted all the beer my men seemed to devour at great speed.  This technique might allow me to understand my men or any man  for that matter and perhaps give me lee way in  negotiating my way through the male  dominated population of my house, work place and admirers.

Since I figured that my love of Club Soda’s bubbly fizzy pizzazz, I would find it easy to down the golden amber liquid effortlessly.   My introduction to beer a while ago was typically a Shandy, a mixture of beer and 7up, very much a ladies drink easily downed and thirst quenching.  Whilst it does nothing for the buzz effect, it made up in style.   The image of an emancipated woman leaves men the wishful desire to conquer that wild streak.

Then after a longish spell of beer abstinence, my desire for beer returned in the most obscure place. The summer in Plovdiv, Bulgaria of that particular year was scorching.  Europe was under going some global warming with sun spots and ozone hole thinning.  Introduction of Stella Artois just did it for me.   I couldn’t get enough of this delectable amber.   High alcohol content meant that the hazy trip in Plovdiv was so memorable, old Orthodox Churches were a blur …. The blur of Stella Artois.   I later learned that in Europe its considered the larger lout’s beer. On reflection perhaps my partner downed me on Stellar Artois for his pleasure.  And believe me his pleasure was reciprocated.

On my Japan trips, I was reluctant to be the  docile Asian wife walking slowly behind the man, so no delicate sips of green tea but Asahi beer was my choice of liquid.   It rates behind the Japanese man, dry, unexciting but sufficient when desire strikes.  The Beer Advocate gives it a poor rating with soapy taste reviews.      

This is not about my reviews on beer more like ways to decipher men through their choice of ale.  After much taste, and a lot of buzz, a little tipsy into the bargain I have categorized and summed up my take on men in general.   

Thinking Man’s Beer    

Samuel Adams.   

There's no denying, whatever the color or creed, the man with the power is what most thinking women go for.   A difficult beer to come by, Boston made beer  although available globally,  it is hard to find.  Just like powerful men, you have to be at the right place, right time......

The  Larger Lout         

  Stella Artoise

Craziness.   It hits the spot.  Tasting bitter but leaves a sweet aftertast.
It is very refreshing when the desire to quench parched lips and throat. Definitely
stronger than average in every aspect.  Perhaps "real"men don't drink this potion as its been dubbed as a woman's drink but experience tells me only REAL MEN know how to handle this rather rough golden liquid.

Holiday Beach drink          

           Corona

This beer requires a slice of lemon, squeezed and dunked into the bottle.  Much like men who need a Panama hat in scorching sun to compliment his beige suit, like a peacock parading his wares.   They are great to look at but just misses the mark when it comes to the real thing.

Middle management executive            

Heineken

Middle management aspiring for CEO.  Or the vain guy, believing he is James Bond in every way possible.  The result of great advertising puts a whole section of the male population ordering what he thinks would bring in the ladies.

The Blue collar brigade                       

Leo Beer

Requires the Leo Calendar Girls banners generally found
hung at mom & pop stores where truck drivers stop to refuel
and fantasize.  Rough and ready and cheap..... if that's what you like.
Slam, bam, thank you ma'am.

Is it possible to find all of these types in one man?  I could do with all of the above but if choice was limited to one, perhaps the Guiness drinker.

He is the tough guy, knows what he wants, when he wants it and goes for it.  He is the man that can change tyres swiftly and dances the marengo deftly.  This is a man most women want.