SATURDAY NIGHT – LONELY NO MORE

 One woman’s journey into a man’s weekly ritual only  to discover 

Leicester’s Foxes shows the way to her patriotism.

On a Saturday evening, the men in my house disappear.   After many years of this happening, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to persuade them to let me join in their enthusiasm.

Picture the scene, a group of men, all eyes centered on the big screen. A live coverage of a football game is on.   The location could be in a friend’s living room, a pub, or a bar but they are all enraptured and huddled around the screen, the table strewn with half empty bottles of beer, crisps, nuts.   All of a sudden, the group get up in unison from the couch, or the bar stool and at the top of their lungs, yell, scream shout for joy.  Someone has scored a goal. 

Admonished and reprimanded for my intrusion and shouted down, “Its not just “someone”, its Man U v Man City, and Man U just scored in the last 2 minutes of the game….shhhh” Indulging in the excitement and enjoyment of a soccer enthusiast is to understand the true essence of their code of ethics, and at the top of the list is Club Loyalty.  These group of men were Man U supporters.    The excitement is electrifying even for a non football fan. 

This is where men do their bonding.  They share their beer and football stories.  They talk about charismatic players like Wayne Rooney, who gets sent off a lot for fouling and hard tackling.  Movie star looks like Beckham whose amazing talent seems to go on endlessly.  They talk of the betrayal of Tevez who switched from United to City.  How City mocked United by erecting a billboard with Tevez’s picture that said “Welcome to Manchester”.  Or how both United and City  fought hard to get Robin van Persie from Arsenal.  And in the end Van Persie chose United.

Amazingly, these rivalries or spirited nature, spill into Thailand, as soccer is a sport most Thai men are very passionate about.   These men range from Taxi drivers to college students to office managers who wear their Red Shirts with pride, boo City fans in their Blue shirts, put team stickers on their cars, can describe on just about every goal within the season.

This is not a recent phenomena.  The original Thai soccer fans were back in the eighties.   At this time Liverpool were supreme.   Ask any taxi driver from that era and he can tell you the names of that great Liverpool side.  Although there are other leagues in Europe such as La Liga (Spain) and Serie A (Italy) it is the English Premier League teams which are supported by Thais.  It is simply the best and on any given Saturday, True TV show around six games live.   This allows the supporters of Clubs other than the top four to enjoy their Saturday night at the pubs and clubs.  Teams like Newcastle United and Spurs all have lots of supporters.

The girlfriends and wives  really have no choice but to join in and enjoy the spectacle.  But please don’t expect us to shout abuse at the referees or gloat over their friends who may be on the losing side.  Ladies, after all, must show decorum and dignity. I now realize football teams are cunning and crafty and the fun is not necessary on the pitch but reveling in big Sponsor challenging stunts.  For example, last year Arsenal played City at City’s Ethihad stadium. To show their rivalry and superiority City planned to do a fly over the Ethihad stadium but due to bad Manchester weather, this was not possible.  Arsenal’s sponsors, Emirates heaved a sigh of relief.

In recent times Manchester United have always been the biggest and most successful club. Manchester City’s big money takeover by the Arabs in the 2008/2009 season, ploughed an absolute fortune into the club to bring the best players in the World into the club and to improve the facilities.   But season 2011/2012 has seen Dutch striker, Van Persie leading the list of the Premier League’s top goal scorers and has spearheaded United’s bid to reclaim their domestic league title.

The men disdainfully asked what team I supported knowing full well of my two hour initiation into the game. With a little help from few patient souls, my strong Thai patriotism took hold and although not in the Premier league, Leicester City at King Power Stadium in the Championship League is where I put my heart.   Nigel Person, having managed Hull City before, now heads the team and they have my full support to scream and shout for them to get into the Premier League wearing my blue and whites.

MILANESE MEN

Milano and all its glories.....

There was Alberto, Alfonso, Maurizio, Hugo, Nino,  allora……

and then there was Davide pronounced 
Da-veed.


Michaelangelo could easily have sculptured Davide.  He was spotted at Roberto Cavalli's night club  -  
Just Cavalli in Parco Sempione,

an exclusive club styled by the fashion Guru.   Davide, the perfect Adonis, with ripped muscle, tall, handsome, curly dark brown hair, misty blue eyes with a Mediterranean tan that every now and again uttered  beautiful Italian.  But as with all Godly things bestowed, Davide was missing an element or two, and here comes the Italian myth that explains it all.

The Italian Goddess Pertunda, the God of  Sexual desires was seen arguing with Goddess Carmen, the Goddess of casting spells.  Pertunda and Carmen after much deliberation decided that Davide had in the end too much of  physical beauty, his brain should be left unaided, therefore after a day or two, I needed Hugo.

Hugo, voracious in the arts, history and architecture was bequeathed with vast brain power that could light up the Lombardi skies.   Unfortunately a little older than Davide, less hair but still exquisite with playful Italian eyes had me ingesting volumes of information on the Duomo.

Magnificent in structure, brilliant in design, it took almost six centuries for the Duomo  to be complete.   As we sipped chianti in the Cathedral Square, he continued to lecture on 15^th Century Italian history.  

In the afternoon, Hugo  would move to Peck’s, the bistro, tea place in Via Spadari.   Walls lined with hundreds of varieties of tea, honey, jams offers even more wonderful selections of roast veal, risottos, prochetta, salads, basically like Harrods Food Hall, the cornucopia of delicacies.   

As an art professor, Hugo was not flushed with Euros, so I bypassed Cracco-Peck Via Victor Hugò, which had traditional and creative cuisine but at ridiculous prices.

Thursday afternoon, it was definitely a walk along Via Montenapoleone, turning towards Via Manzoni, where Nino accompanied me.  

A Peacock in full spread best describes Nino.  

In his sixties with not an ounce of fat on him, erect body, crisp white linen shirt with sleeves slightly rolled up revealing a gold Patek Philippe watch.   Black leather pants with matching leather jacket slung over his shoulder.  A very discreet Armani scarf casually tied around his neck, exposing tufts of chest hair.   He, on the other hand, had plenty of Euros and was enjoying the splash he was about to engage  with me and my other Italian friend.  

Dropping in to the oldest (opened in 1817)  patiserrie in Milano is Caffee Cova on Via Montenapoleone .  Nino ordered a feast of cakes and pastries before our expedition to Via della Spiga

Lets just say Via della Spiga is retail therapy volume turned to the max.  Everything was stylish, beautifully crafted and classy.  

Nino only possessed one card, The Black Amex – ridiculous how that glossy black plastic can command such respect.  

Whilst we burned his card, he sat patiently at Dolce & Gabbana’s café simply nursing an aperitif.

Weekend released the illusive Alfonso, who decided it was in Lake Como that we would have our pasta and some delicious gelati.  

Picture postcard with cobbled streets, artists painting, lovers dining alfresco, it was all so twee until a fight broke out between two boys.  A lot of vaffanculo and figlio di puttana  abuse being hurled at one another.  A little Latin at school would enable anyone to deduce its meaning.     One can only speculate that the good looking boy got the girl.

Such passion......

By the time you swear you're his,

 Shivering and sighing.

                                                                                 And he vows his passion is,

Infinite, undying.

Lady make note of this --One of you is lying. 

                                                                                                                                               ― Dorothy Parker

ITALIAN AWAKENING - FOOD, ARTS, AND GIGOLOS

Everything and anything Italian gets my heart racing…….

From their names, way of pronouncing certain words, their food, their fashion, their art, their architecture, their opera, their wine, their parmesan and their men…..

Contemplating anthropologically – how is it that certain countries produce beautiful men – leaving the female of that population out of luck.     Take France, Italy, or Greece, be it their waters, wine or food that they eat,  they seem to generate these incredible and delectable men simply meant for procreation.

With the women of Turkey, Egypt and Persia, under the Purdah, these ladies have beautiful skin, blue-green eyes with striking beauty.   The men did not have such good fortune on their side, (Allah gave them oil - so what do they need good looks for?)  with their rough bearded skin cloaked in white robes, hiding what could be a six-pack or more likely a bloated belly.   In South East Asia, the Thai women are well known for their charm, beauty and femininity but their men fail miserably trying to look like plastic Korean dolls bordering on hermaphroditism. 

So gets lets back to the Italian charms – of  Pedro, Pasta and Proseco.    For after all I am a woman, that likes her chianti, men and linguini not necessarily in that order.

Campo De’Fiori in Roma is where my pillow is for the next few weeks or months conditional on many issues. The field of flowers, Campo De’Fiori is south of the Piazza Navona.  Abandoned field of flowers in the 14^th century, the square became a daily market.  

In the 1600 it was the scene of many an execution, notably Giordano Bruno burned at the stake for his philosophical ideals.   

Today as I walk along the cafes and shops, the ‘ambiente’  begs of  fresh Mediterranean produce, an extraordinary butcher shop called Il Florentino.  The meat is displayed as if it were jewels from Harry Winston’s.   From the back of vans, rows of  pretty white cotton dresses complimenting the summer sky selling like hot cakes.   Tents selling produce of Italy, from sun dried tomatoes to limonchello, meandering round these shops, I am late for my Italian cookery class.

Chef Andrea Consoli, operates this cooking school in the center of Rome on Via Fienaroli and today he is teaching me Artichokes Roman style, homemade fettucine with Norma Sauce, stuffed meatballs and for dessert chocolate souffle.

The day passed by so deliciously, experiencing shopping in the market, and then later cooking in Chef Andrea’s kitchen.    I am slowly devouring the taste and texture of the chocolate souffle as taught  by Pedro to use  my tongue simply tasting and awakening the taste buds to  the velvety smoothness of every ingredient that has gone into this special souffle.   Re-creating this for my special man, Pedro says  that this kind of seduction will work every time.  Is he hinting?  

My time in Campo d'fiori is  a mixture of  learning a language, becoming more eloquent and knowledgable on art, loving more passionately, and consuming excellent Chianti.   

Two days of cooking interwoven by two days worth of art lessons from Pedro began to rejuvenate  my soul, my stomach and my heart.   

SEX AND BEER

Marc Antony looked down on Caesar's body
He said "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me you ear
I did not come here to praise Caeser, I came here for sex and beer.

Lyrics from Pat McCurdy

Every now and again I have this desire to understand men.   When I think I do, they leave me bewildered.  Supposedly very simple creatures, all books say to keep them to stay, willingly, there are three things they need. According to Steve Harvey, the author of  “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man” very simply men need  Support, Loyalty and “the cookie” Harvey’s euphemism for Sex.   

My theory to know a man, is to know his drink.   The drinks cabinet in the house I grew up had a cool selection from Vermouth to Vodka (my father had style and taste) but never missing in the fridge were different types of Beer (for others).  By the time I had my own house, beer was stocked with the same equal amount of bottled water.  (I went for a different kind of man) And by the time my sons were able to share their taste of the amber liquid with their Dad, the bottled water was squeezed into the far corner obliterated by a variety of beers.   So it is time I raided the fridge, take hold of my own kitchen and tasted all the beer my men seemed to devour at great speed.  This technique might allow me to understand my men or any man  for that matter and perhaps give me lee way in  negotiating my way through the male  dominated population of my house, work place and admirers.

Since I figured that my love of Club Soda’s bubbly fizzy pizzazz, I would find it easy to down the golden amber liquid effortlessly.   My introduction to beer a while ago was typically a Shandy, a mixture of beer and 7up, very much a ladies drink easily downed and thirst quenching.  Whilst it does nothing for the buzz effect, it made up in style.   The image of an emancipated woman leaves men the wishful desire to conquer that wild streak.

Then after a longish spell of beer abstinence, my desire for beer returned in the most obscure place. The summer in Plovdiv, Bulgaria of that particular year was scorching.  Europe was under going some global warming with sun spots and ozone hole thinning.  Introduction of Stella Artois just did it for me.   I couldn’t get enough of this delectable amber.   High alcohol content meant that the hazy trip in Plovdiv was so memorable, old Orthodox Churches were a blur …. The blur of Stella Artois.   I later learned that in Europe its considered the larger lout’s beer. On reflection perhaps my partner downed me on Stellar Artois for his pleasure.  And believe me his pleasure was reciprocated.

On my Japan trips, I was reluctant to be the  docile Asian wife walking slowly behind the man, so no delicate sips of green tea but Asahi beer was my choice of liquid.   It rates behind the Japanese man, dry, unexciting but sufficient when desire strikes.  The Beer Advocate gives it a poor rating with soapy taste reviews.      

This is not about my reviews on beer more like ways to decipher men through their choice of ale.  After much taste, and a lot of buzz, a little tipsy into the bargain I have categorized and summed up my take on men in general.   

Thinking Man’s Beer    

Samuel Adams.   

There's no denying, whatever the color or creed, the man with the power is what most thinking women go for.   A difficult beer to come by, Boston made beer  although available globally,  it is hard to find.  Just like powerful men, you have to be at the right place, right time......

The  Larger Lout         

  Stella Artoise

Craziness.   It hits the spot.  Tasting bitter but leaves a sweet aftertast.
It is very refreshing when the desire to quench parched lips and throat. Definitely
stronger than average in every aspect.  Perhaps "real"men don't drink this potion as its been dubbed as a woman's drink but experience tells me only REAL MEN know how to handle this rather rough golden liquid.

Holiday Beach drink          

           Corona

This beer requires a slice of lemon, squeezed and dunked into the bottle.  Much like men who need a Panama hat in scorching sun to compliment his beige suit, like a peacock parading his wares.   They are great to look at but just misses the mark when it comes to the real thing.

Middle management executive            

Heineken

Middle management aspiring for CEO.  Or the vain guy, believing he is James Bond in every way possible.  The result of great advertising puts a whole section of the male population ordering what he thinks would bring in the ladies.

The Blue collar brigade                       

Leo Beer

Requires the Leo Calendar Girls banners generally found
hung at mom & pop stores where truck drivers stop to refuel
and fantasize.  Rough and ready and cheap..... if that's what you like.
Slam, bam, thank you ma'am.

Is it possible to find all of these types in one man?  I could do with all of the above but if choice was limited to one, perhaps the Guiness drinker.

He is the tough guy, knows what he wants, when he wants it and goes for it.  He is the man that can change tyres swiftly and dances the marengo deftly.  This is a man most women want.