WHAT A RIDE

You know when you have arrived: its not hobnobbing with Hollywood’s elites, its not yachting with the Monegasques, it really begins with when you possess a Mercedes Benz.  The Ferraris, the yachts, and the jets are just extended baubles.   The  Benz becomes the definitive possession that says it all, from any corner of the globe.  

Once upon a time that definition in life expressed the status to which I belonged.  Keen to pick up the order, placed in SE Asia, from its source in Sindelfingen and drive back through Europe, much thought went into process.

The flight from Manchester to Stuttgart – in the autumnal season with rain made the flight slightly bumpy but filled with excitement having fully paid up for my new “legs”. 

 

Awaiting cleanup before delivery

Mercedes Benz VVIP treatment for me exceeded expectation.   Picked up at airport and delivered to the Mercure hotel right next to the plant.  German evening meal totally filled up the tank for at least a week.  

Pick up time:  The maroon CLS 55 AMG shining through its polish, smelling of new leather. Some perfumery company should bottle that smell, a puff or two when it wears off would bring back its spanking new feel. It stood in the  showroom like The Emporer in his throne hall, and he already had a nickname.    It maybe over stating the fact, but believe me, every penny, every pound of hard work was invested in this machinery.  It said everything you wanted to say about yourself.   Yes, my first touch of wealth – and now with a few signature I was ready to take it for a spin. 

GPS on, check.  Input destination, check.   Mirror adjustment, check.  Familiarize  with the instruments, check.  Press the button and it glides out the plant. 

Sindelfingen a short distance from Stuttgart, we circled on the outskirts of the town through the Autobahn with ease.  The steering wheel on the right did give a few blind spots but the car was going to be used on the English Motorway where they drive on the correct side of the road.

Stuttgart

Destination the white cliffs of Dover via Ostend: At least 350 miles to go with my foot on the accelerator, it still took almost 8  hours of driving.  Entering Belgium,  the downpour got heavier, the outside looked hostile, and the night drawing in but the clock was only 4pm tea time.   Ostend’s Thermae Palace hotel promising sea view was shrouded in fog and rain, the thought of a swaying bouncing trip to Dover drove me to eat less for fear of upchucking in the sea.

Spanning this vast body of water, and tucked with a little knowledge of sailing, I suspected  the Beaufort Force was around 6.  The crest of white foam was high enough, the wind strong and breezy.   The trip will not be very pleasant for some of those that need Dramamine.  The insurance paper in case the car dropped into the sea put away for safety.   I was ready for any rolling and swaying.

As we neared Britain, the white cliffs of Dover became visible through the fog and rain and it was time to collect our cars preparing for docking.   Jumping in the car, the smell of newness, coupled with the excitement of first ownership of a cool car, the thought of a 6 hour drive from the South to the North of England was like a walk in the park. 

White Cliffs of Dover

First stop-off a little racing at Goodwood’s autumnal race event.   Hobnobbing with post Ascot revelers in the VIP section, my shiny new CLS55 stood proudly against the ageing Rolls.  The owner’s maturity matched the Silver Seraph.

Me and Wolfgang on the road

Bet on a horse, won and sped off into the night.  Just me and my “Wolfgang.”

SEXY SWELLINGS

THE SPANISH FLY

There were days when asking for a condom,  available only at the chemist was shaming, now the quiet whispers in the pharmacist’s ear  for Viagra or Cialis can prove to be mortifying if your neighbor is in the queue behind you.  Thank goodness for buying through websites, enabling the awkwardness to dissipate especially when delivered in a brown envelope.

None of these senseless humiliation need surface when we flit between continents to find out that the human condition is all centered on procreation.   From ancient Egypt to China, keeping virile was and still is very much a primeval force.

At the top of the list the Chinese are actually experts in acquiring different parts of the animal directly capable of prolonging strength for those declining in testosterone or the aged or plain and simple lusting for more.

A former boss, an Iranian diplomat, directed his driver to collect ginseng from China Town.  After Friday prayers, he downed this concoction with roots and all and disappeared, never to return to the office.    This Friday afternoon assignation continued for the duration of his 3 year term in Thailand, rejuvenated and refreshed the poor man returned to work Monday morning  with a spring in his step, and a twinkle in his eye. 

The concoction used to intrigue me so when one Friday morning arrived, I asked the driver to get an extra elixir for me.  Trying so hard to explain it is only for men, I assured him that I had a plan to seduce a man.   This was an earlier version of  Ginseng Powershots,  mixed with water, honey, the roots were soft to suck and chew on. 

PANX GINSENG

When it comes to men, however dubious the concoction, they are so ready to try even if the hairy roots strangle and obstruct the throat, all for the possibility of  going for as long as possible. Does it work?  Was it in the mind?  Lets say some men use Panax Ginseng on the skin as part of extrasensory sensation, he was as good as long as the Ginseng Panax stock was in supply; when it ran out, it was time for me to move on.

HORNY GOAT WEED
OR
EPIMEDIUM GRANDFLORUM

My travels have allowed me to peak at how others do it – who’s kidding who? -  as if we do things differently.  Common sense says the highest population in the world would have the answers to libido enhancers, so it is only natural to travel to China to explore this well known  Epimedium Granflorum  or more easy on the tongue “The Sexy Goat Weed.”  

FROM PHARMACY STORES

Epimedium grows all over and is picked wild. Only the leaves are plucked, never the roots. No chemicals are used on wild plants so it is clean and pure.

The Horny Goat Weed has estimated sales of over 100 tons per year declares itself as the reigning king of herbal sex enhancers.  Asking any Chinese expert will tell you it is very good for sex and that it will make you sexually strong..  

Should I or shouldn't I?   In a health food stores it comes in capsules, 500 mg of Horny Goat Weed per capsule with flavornoid icariin should be easy to swallow.   It has been around for more than 2000 years.  The reason?   Well let’s not be shy; all I can say is that it works.

Deer Penis in a Chinese pharmacy

Although no scientific proof supports their claims of libido enhancer, once consumed,  the deer penis and the tiger penis makes for cockfire sure treatment. With their similarity of an erect penis, antlers have long been sought as sexual stimulants in East Asia.  It was a popular tonic for Chinese emperors, with so many wives and concubines, they needed a helping hand.  The concoction is thinly sliced deer penis, soaking in strong alcohol for approximately two weeks.  Daily dose of  20 mil would be enough to boost testosterone and improve ……function.

Amazing how easy it is to persuade men.

Kangaroo balls have made it to the Chinese medicine cabinet.  Its commodities help to enhance sexual power on the theory that Kangaroos have a voracious sexual appetite, apparently it produces up to twice as much semen as a bull.  Ingesting these powdered balls brings about sexual energy.  Placebo?   Its cheap, kangaroos are not an endangered species, and the more disagreeable it is to swallow the more it should work?   My Chinese buddy Xing-Pao is hopping sure about it.

But lets turn our compass to the another of the world, perhaps
they have more enticing ways.

Johimbe  is found in Africa. Intrigued by its African sounding name, and anything African stimulates my imagination - never too late to try something new.  Let us say the long weekend of breakfast in bed, lunch in bed and dinner in bed was like Groundhog day for three days in  row.

Johimbe traditionally used for fever, coughs, leprosy, it apparently is a natural product to engage the blood flow for amorous swellings.  Yohimbe extract dilates blood vessels in your mojo for a harder, firmer and stronger love muscle.  Found in health food stores, it was quickly replaced by Viagra.     

Lord knows, we have known about Spanish Fly since I was a kid – and that was a long time ago. 

A dangerous substance Spanish fly produces irritation of the genitals and a resulting blood flow to the arear mimicking engorgement.  Cantaradin is extremely toxic when ingested so do be careful.   

There is rhyme and reason for looking at highly populated areas on the globe to find out who has the best sexual stimulants.  Look no further than the second highest population of the world  …….  India.

For India, there are many libido enhancers, from tiger’s urine to Lady's fingers or Okra.  It is a recommended food item that rejuvenates and turns on sexual desires. The spices and chillies in their curry spurs on the desire.  

They practice tantric sex for a reason. The point is to channel all the sexual energy that would normally leave during an orgasm, back into your body, it gives you so much energy. The Indians believe that tantra sexual experiences are sacred acts capable of elevating the participants to a higher spiritual plane activating the chakras.  Prolonging the act of love and utilizing powerful orgasmic energies back into the body.  

There is much need for ancient aphrosidiac from Spanish Fly to Viagra to achieve this level.   You only live once - just go for it.   

ADAM & EVE and APPLES

 

The Apple fruit has long been an ancient symbol of sexual gratification.   Apple as the forbidden fruit in biblical times has been known for temptation, sin, seduction and also in garnering knowledge.  Persuasion of the carnal kind, women tempt their men in dubious ways and capitulation gives way to endless ecstasy. And believe it or not it started with an apple.

As I bite into the rosy apple, the luscious juices flowing down my chin – the fresh scent of apple blossom catching my breath, all those sensory perception of life, death and dirty thoughts coming crashing into that very first crunch. 

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” always associated with good clean living while Snow White’s poisoned apple linked with evil thoughts, murder and death.   In between life and death there is Adam’s discovering knowledge by Eve tempting him with the forbidden fruit bringing about sensual and erotic persuasions. The Apple is  many things to many people. 

Supposedly a fruit that gives pleasure, another kind of Apple truly sends me happily to a corner for hours on end.  The Apple Mac is attached to me in more ways than one.   It sends me to sleep with those hypnotic YouTube movies. It wakes me up with my Itunes music. It entertains me with movies and it is the tool that makes my living.   You might say all of these things can be done by any other brand.  And you would be right. It's just a smoother ride, and subconsciously it's the bite that's tempting.   

One of Steve Job’s fruitarian diet was an Apple.  Returning from an Apple farm he made the decision to call his company Apple because the name sounded ‘fun, spirited and not intimidating.” Although never suggested anywhere, there is the  subliminal message of  association with the Tree of Knowledge.   Job’s unintended biblical meaning perhaps underlies his religious skepticism. 

To appreciate apples in a way different to the weekly shop at the groceries, God’s condemned fruit is abundant in many parts of the world.  One area of the globe, majestically hidden in the foothills of the Himalaya range is Himal Pradesh where the variety wows you with sheer disbelief that nature has managed to propagate a whole spectrum of a species in Latin called MALUS.

Throughout history, apples have symbolized pleasure, love, and fertility. Of course, all of this does not prove that the sin of Adam and Eve had anything to do with sex. But it is a strong indication that many interpreters throughout history did believe their sin was a sexual transgression.

The apple has multiple symbolic meanings, many of which are sexual. Erotic associations likened apples to female breasts, while the core of an apple cut in half has often been compared to a woman's vagina. In ancient mythology, Dionysus, the god of intoxication, created the apple and presented it to Aphrodite, the goddess of love.

In the Middle Ages, the forbidden fruit was often identified as a fig, not an apple.  It was later replaced by an apple and became a symbol of the forbidden fruit, it's Latin name meaning “apple” and “evil.”

Many interpreters throughout Judeo-Christian history have understood the sin of Adam and Eve to have something to do with a sexual transgression of one sort or another, it shouldn't be surprising that the apple was the fruit of choice to depict the sin of Eden.   It has also been  used as a symbol of fertility.

Apples play an important part in several Greek myths. Hera, queen of the gods, owned some precious apple trees that she had received as a wedding present from Gaia, the earth mother. Tended by the Hesperides, the Daughters of Evening, and guarded by a fierce dragon, these trees grew in a garden somewhere far in the west. Their apples were golden, tasted like honey, and had magical powers. They could heal, they renewed themselves as they were eaten, and if thrown, they always hit their target and then returned to the thrower's hand.

In Athens, newlyweds divided an apple, then ate it prior to entering the bridal chamber.  Sending or tossing apples was also a part of courtship. According to folklore, the apple is one of many foods believed to possess aphrodisiac powers. In ancient Greece, if a man wanted to propose, he would simply toss the lady of his affection an apple. If she caught it, he knew she had accepted his offer.

Even in Islamic folklore, it is told that the prophet Mohammed inhaled the fragrance of an apple brought to him by an angel just before his last breath of life.

In Germany, during medieval times, a man who ate an apple that was steeped in the perspiration of the woman he loved was very likely to succeed in the relationship.

In Medieval England, an autumnal celebration centered around the fermented fruit of the apple tree and the almost Bacchanalian merriment that would ensue. (The supposed purpose was to ensure a bountiful harvest, or so the story goes.)

Apples contain phenylethylamine (PEA), which gives you a natural feeling of well-being and excitement.  High in anti-oxidants their free radical-fighting power boosts natural anti-aging abilities while helping to fight cancer.  Although apples deliver a jolt of sweetness, their high pectin content keeps a sugar rush at bay, preventing the hyper high.

So with historical facts and myths, we come to savoring the definitive species  that has taken me all the way into foothills of the Himalaya range.  During the British Raj, the summers were spent up in Shimla, the weather akin to summer time in Britain rather than the sweltering wretched humidity found in Poon, or Bombay.  Samuel Evan Stokes introduced the apple crop in the hills around Shimla while working with the Leprosy Mission of India.

Stokes brought in Red Delicious and saplings of Golden Delicious to his orchard in Thanedar . By 1926 the whole of India couldn’t get enough of it, they were an instant.  The popularity of these divine fruit  spurred locals into planting Apples, rather than their usual crops of potato and plums. Soon orchards cropped up all over the valley of Himachal Pradesh, to meet this demand. Thanedar is 80 kms from Shimla on the old Hindustan-Tibet road, rising to an altitude of about 7700ft, the majestic views unfolds magnificent panorama of mountains.  One step closer to God.

Having gorged myself on all different strains of Malus, and unable to decide between the Golden Delicious or the Ambrosia or the Pippin or even the Braeburn; suddenly none of them swayed me anymore once an offering taste of preserved jellies, jams and chutney of the various breeds.  Now I was in heaven and utterly understood why Rudyard Kipling called this place Kotgarh “the Mistress of the Northern Hills.” 

Lack of restraint, lack of will power, lack of faith in God, always denouncing authority, I would have been easily seduced by the serpent, if this was the Garden of Eden and that had been my Adam.    It would be a toss up between the effects of a Male Homosapien or a Malus Hornet.