U S R

USR is a polite term within the airline industry for FAT PAX

Normal Sized Passenger

FAT PAX is the hottest topic within the airline industry right now.  All abbreviations make me dizzy.   I never know what the heck they mean, and sometimes I pretend to comprehend, only to dig myself into a bigger hole.

Depending on where you are, what you do, USR can mean a whole range of things.  For example if you are in education, then USR could be Universities Statistical Records, or if you are in medicine, then it could easily be Ultra Sound Records.  If you are just like me, who loves to eat, travel and meet lovely people, this acronym has no relevance whatsoever until I was at the gate ready to board my plane from NYC to Atlanta.

Believe it or not this passenger is seated!

If you are deemed a “USR”  by a US airline, then there are only three choices left;  buy two seats, get de-planed or lose a massive amount of weight pronto.   USR in polite terms, means Unique Seating Required or in airline vernacular, Fat Pax.

Having  a relatively small, compact Asian physique, public transport of any kind has never hampered me in any way until I ventured into the nether regions of “inside” America, where food portions are ginormous, with subsequent results in obesity as the number one health problem in America.   I was wedged between two very large ladies.  In fact it must have looked ridiculous to the eye because the flight attendant was extra nice to me and tried to find a better seat to no avail.   My 2 hour flight could only be described as suffocating

Now I realize that some people will say that obesity is a genetic condition or a handicap, and it may well be, although the fact that the ranks of the obese in the U.S. grow year after year suggests that it's not (DNA doesn't mutate quite that quickly).

The idea of charging for two seats is fair.  But how about paying by weight.  All airlines have weight ratio problems, so this could help to calculate take-off weight crucial for any flight.  On another note, its a great way to keep trim.

When purse permits, business class is the preferred seat. Nevertheless even on some airlines, I feel short changed when my BC seat's only difference  is  a foot rest and a larger blanket.  

I have yet to pay an airfare that was value for money.  Even low cost has become less attractive when flying from Rome to Heathrow, I discovered that the sandwiches for sale at the beginning of the flight, gets 50% discount 20 minutes before landing.  On disembarking, the sandwiches lost its lustre became free for all.

For those extra large people, I do feel very sorry for their predicament.  Life must be hell whatever they have to undertake.  From the car they purchase, to the toilet they  have to carefully lower their bum without cracking the seat, I would not want to humiliate them further by having to weigh themselves before boarding. So airlines out there find a fair solution - I want good seats, plenty of leg room with only two in a row, crisp linen napkins, 2 or 3 different cuisines to choose from, pretty flight attendants, all packaged together in a low budget price.

Dream on........

WHORING

Whoring  - a nasty title for a blog.  But Hey - I got your attention didn’t I?

Many have voiced opinions.   But has anyone really sat down, and asked their inner voices, “how much” it would take.   We all have our prices and reasons.  None of which should be judged.  But oh I am guilty of that very moral criticism.  It is time to be truthful and unbiased.   And take that smug off my face, for when it’s crunch-time, I know I could be bought.  The price would be astronomical, but hey I come with other incomparable attributes. 

Indecent Proposal

Pretty Woman 

“To the moralist, prostitution does not consist so much in the fact that the 

woman sells her body, but rather that she sells it out of wedlock.” ― Emma Goodman was quoted.   Funny, in its comparison the reality in wedlock, the woman is paid in more ways than one.  As Bertrand Russell said, “Marriage is for woman the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” What is marriage if not but prostitution to one man instead of many?

Famous naughty American actor Charlie Sheen, was being sentenced for using a prostitute, the judge asked him why a man like him would have to pay for sex. And Sheen reportedly replied: “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay for them to leave afterwards.”

Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff?

I find it necessary to redress myself on thoughts that lingered with me the other day.

I was out shopping for my groceries, in this wonderful land where expats are termed sexpats. In line behind me was an Englishman in his late 30’s with his arms outstretched reaching for a Museli bread bun. Crisp in a recognizable posh British accent, he says  “Darling, look at those museli bun, haven’t had those in years, lets have them”, only to be retorted back by the local girl, in broken Tinglish, “Honey, no I doan’t likey – white bread gooder, I make you Thai dish with pork on top – come baby – over here!”

Clearly their relationship was one of the Kingdom’s oft known for its sex tourist destination.  Where one could rent a wife for a week or two, and in some cases, they actually fall in love.  My reaction with the Muesli bun couple was one of degradation and disgust.  By the time I reached the pay station an hour later, they were in line in front of me so I was able to watch their interplay.  

Plainly obvious was their happiness.  He was luxuriating in being lovingly spoilt, his manhood bursting out.  She was delighting in the well-stocked supermarket cart, relishing in a week’s free food at long last. Maybe they were married, would that have made the difference, I ask myself?  With my experienced eye, and a keen observer of life, theirs was of a rental persuasion.   And so what?   When a woman wants to sell her body, in return for a weeks shopping; a brand name handbag, or just plain staying alive, they should have the full right without encountering punishment or discrimination.  The relationship between the sex buyer and the sex seller must be considered a purely private transaction.

By the time I managed to come to terms with this highly intellectual debate in my head,  it was my turn to pay the grocery bill. The couple turned around and smiled at me.  “Have a great muesli bun and tea,” I managed to say.   And I truly hoped they did.

SEXUAL PLAYS - GOD'S RULES

Nature is terribly unfair when it comes to  equality among men and women.   I now believe God was a man or is a man. 

(Apparently there is an eternity about God when talking to those in his kingdom.)

FACT 1:   

Procreation is the name of the game. Women have a 20-year window presuming her sexual activity starts at 15 giving her a lee way of 2 years of pubescence awareness.

FACT 2:

Procreation is very much the name of the game in pre-pubescence  young boys.   Their window has the potential of an almost  “no age limit”.  They can spring to attention as young as 11 and go on, God willing, as old as 90.

FACT 3:

Once motherhood begins, general nurturing and stabilizing the family unit prevents philandering on the part of a woman.

Looks and figure does a count-down for menapause.

FACT 4:

Once fatherhood begins, the reinforcement of his virility is confirmed.  He then ventures out forth to regain that virile status once more, to be repeated  until production of semen is diminished. 

Now tell me God isn’t a man!

Loin grumblings in societies that allow 4 or more wives manifests itself in religion. Then there are societies that hide mistresses until faced with penalties of inheritance haggling.   Or politicians disgraced by scorned women.

Now try swapping the shoe on the other foot, we would have a huge crack in the institution of families.  In certain tribes, women are circumcised.  

For what may I ask?

So the female sexual proclivities become diminished in order to redress the balance in the male supremacy. Therefore, there are no contests, intellectually or physically between the two sexes.

You would think I am a feminist, but in fact not so.  The reality of  the whole evolution has only produced a sense of craftiness and deceitfulness in order to survive the imbalance. 

I for one prefer the warmth cuddly, soft spoken, sensual womanly charms of Marilyn Munroe.  Perhaps she was not endowed cerebrally – that’s why longevity eluded her.

Play dumb, act stupid but be cunningly clever.  That’s my legacy to my daughters, grand-daughters, and women at large.

WATCH WHAT HE WATCHES

Sexy Strong Bare Wrist 

Besides how to tell a man by his shoes, a book written by a Hollywood friend, Kathryn Eisman, there’s one more secret into the world of decoding men.

Now not for a minute should you, the reader think, that this diatribe is meant for women readers, it’s actually meant for men.  It’s a way in to a women’s head, privy to her thoughts then perhaps you would be privy to her soul and her body and whatever else you may wish to enter.

Over the fashion decades, there’s very little a man can adorn himself to project his style, his riches, or his taste. His masculinity propels forward, through body language, body image (visualize those abs).  But sometimes he needs to show a little more, if God wasn’t so kind with his looks, height or  baldness.   A suit is a suit, albeit an Armani one or off the Marks & Spencers peg. A pair of jeans, is a pair of jeans, no more no less.  Understood that some of the brands are a yard or two over the marker but nevertheless jeans reveal nothing of the man. 

But his watch does.

His lack of taste or flashy style  is not dependent on the thickness of his wallet. What’s on his wrist says a multitude of things on how he sees himself.  It also attracts a certain type of lady. 

Imagine a  Board room.   All suited, sitting along a board room table  discussing the next quarter’s strategy .  It would probably range from the intern straight out of Harvard, or the Party lobbyist against the President.

The CEO reveals a well cut dark double breasted pinstripe suit, white shirt with gold cufflinks and peaking very subtly a Patek Phillipe  Calatrava yellow gold from his shirtsleeve. It depicts the “I have arrived”  classically classy connotation.   Vanity mark high on the scale states, “This is my daily wear, I change for the evening”.  If he is magically single, his ex wife did not get much from the divorce proceeds.    Most likely married, he looks for other opportunities, as he does in business and in personal ventures. 

Sportsman, athletes, have their black Tissot or  Tourbillon  with lots of different dials.   A competitor in everything, whether at school, in the gym, and in the work force. He’ll try and beat the other guy to a woman’s heart.   He’s the intern, after the meeting, he goes for a mile swim, 20 miles bike ride and then run a 10K – finishes his report before anyone else and gets the chick in time for the office party.  An ADHD profile, be rest assured being with this kind of man requires an active woman by is side.

The Cool Dude generally will display a wide band design watch.  It just says “hey look at me  -  I am cool”.   As vain as the Chairman of the company, only he has less money to spend.   Armani Exchange clothes, not quite the real McCoy but nonetheless does the trick.   He scores well with women, because of his coolness, glides effortlessly into the chat.   The mysteriousness of black is where interesting women clings for want of more.  

The Spy Watch (like William Baldwin in Sliver) is the one to look out for.   He is the type that is clean cut,  neat, in fact baby faced, naivity spewing out of his persona. What he has on his wrist is the ultimate in today's wristband.  Its the Spy Watch.   It does everything: an incredible piece of technology that puts a video camera, a microphone, and a digital video recording into a working men's watch.  It also has a usb outlet to transfer everything onto your computer.   Yes, this device is used by Law Enforcement, private investigators.  Or a very quirky guy hell bent on peeping, voyeuristic that   need to gather video evidence for one scary reason or another, and yet remain incogneto and discrete.   Or he likes to take video clips of his lovemaking - always goes for high profile, difficult to attain, almost always married women.

The man with a fancy Gold Rolex is crass, showing off that he's  successful. Sales people love to wear gold Rolexes. Makes them feel superior to other sales guys who can’t afford them. It says “I’m good at what I do. Look at my expensive Rolex.”  Ladies who love to gold dig, digs this kind of guy. He maybe a Sheik, or a Vegas Car salesman, a Hollywood actor, it's just a  vulgar statement  -  "I can buy you - just name your price."

The No Watch guy : He is saying, "I’m organic. I don’t need a watch to tell the time, my iPhone does that for me."  He's never without his Iphone.   On the minus side, when he does not to pick up the phone, and says he left it in the car, you know he's a liar, basically he's lost interest .    On the plus side, he is never late.   I like this kind of guy.   No frills.   He's good at texting under the table and with lightening speed, only to receive another message before you've even sent the first reply.

Leave the Patek Phillipe, the Swatch, The Spy Watch and whatever horological design on the foyer.  Plug the Iphone, turn it on "airplane" mode and forget being connected.  

I like a bare wrist 

- being with me  - 

there's absolutely no hurry.