BEAVER'S BUTT

Brucie the Blondie challenging Bernois with Braces and Bernie the Bagel.  

Anything refereeing to the ANUS emits a disgusting  “eeww” or a crinkling of the nostril affecting a malodorous pong.  But I can assure you that in the the course of a your daily food intake, you  have probably ingested the anus glands of a beaver on a daily basis; be it breakfast lunch or dinner.

The glands are milked to extract this fluid, and squirts out an annual collection of roughly 292 lbs per year.   This googey dark liquid is  FDA approved but it is not required to be listed as an ingredient on food items and instead is listed as “natural flavorings” instead.

What could this be, you may ask nervously, unsure whether to google this new factoid – it really isn’t new, humanoids have used this for as long as 80 years.   …… Let me not keep you in the dark, this anal gland of beavers is Castoreum.  It is either in Liquid form or  Extract used

“mainly in foods and beverages as part of a substitute vanilla flavoring”  quoted from Wikipedia.  

Vanilla is our stairway to the taste of paradise.  In a roundabout way, the scented vanilla swirling up your nostrils  as you bend down to have a morsel of pastry; the taste and aroma can transport you to many unremembered corners of your life.

Heavenly or not the only way to judge is to taste several brands of “default flavor” ice cream.   The “default flavor” is naturally Vanilla, hence we return to the “back-end” of the Beaver which doubtless for some will  produce wanton thoughts or  an immediate reaction of revulsion.    By way of gluttony, I have selected the world’s three top brands.

Dutch-sounding by name, but American by nature is Häagen-Dazs; the American know-how in diary products surpassing many other brands in the high-end stakes.  Jewish founder, Reuben Mattus from the Bronx, NY made a tribute to Denmark’s exemplary treatment of its Jews during the Second World War –  and  invented the "Danish-sounding" "Häagen-Dazs".  Sixty years in the making, they have begun phasing out  GMO  (Genetically modified Organism) and Castoreum is NOT one of them.

 

Swiss precision in watches can translate into ice cream believe it or not.  Known for Switzerland’s reputation as the birthplace of hospitality for over a hundred years, where the first palace-style hotels were built.  These grand hotels catered to an exclusive clientele of royalty, aristocrats and wealthy individuals lured by the Alps and alpine tourism.   Restaurants at these grand hotels dinning room offered delectable cuisine and  Mövenpick were suppliers of  ice cream  and other delectable delicacies. Making the ordinary into something extraordinary was and is their policy.  So Movenpicks incredible Vanilla is on the table to be judged.

 Coming from farm land, pastures green and pollution free, New Zealand’s Natural   is known for dairy superiority bringing the freshest and best ingredients.   It all began with a chance meeting in 1984…     While on a flight crossing the Tasman Sea, Rael Polivnick, founder of the company, met a New Zealander whose wife loved ice cream but was allergic to any artificial colourings or flavourings. As he sought for ways that could allow his wife to indulge in her favourite frozen treat, the distraught New Zealander eventually came up with his own recipe using only the finest and freshest ingredients to make the ice cream.  

The challenge is on.  Australasia contending with the Alpine vs the Bronx;  getting you in the mood for fun it is like the equivalent of:

Brucie the Blondie challenging Bernois with Braces and Bernie the Bagel.  

Blind folded by my trusted friend, each spoonful was placed in my mouth savouring the texture, sensation, sweetness, vanilla  flavor,  and the aroma wafting through the icy cold vapour.

The first sensation not unlike shaving cream – although never eaten shaving cream, but I did once kissed a man while he was shaving - the morning after the ecstatic night before.  The  cream and sugar beaten with all the universal-oxygen - left a very foamy emptiness sweetened unnaturally sending a clacky feeling at the back of the throat.  A ring of disappointment.   Vanilla yes, aromatic not so much.  Although it did send memories of that special morning; shaving cream and all…… 

My second spoonful was a definite improvement,   Very creamy and rich, it did fall heavily on the thick diary side imparting much sugary sweetness,  A reminder this time of my first Paris experience of eating a phallic shaped ice-cream without a spoon.  Dexterity, experience and hunger allowed me to devour every drop without  dribbling as evidence of  a satiated diner.     Although chocolate; inside was vanilla - I swear.


The third sinful spoonful managed to take me to the seventh layer of heaven.  The combination of cream sugar and eggs and the beaver butt made me realize all along that this was the taste I was haunted by since that very sinful day in Blackpool, Lancashire in the United Kingdom many summers ago.   Although I don't have to fly to UK, when urgings rumble, I can honestly say Haagen Dazs imitates Nostriani's extremely well and cravings abated.
 
 
We shared and devoured the third  ice-cream, both knowing which one came up tops.  As I have always thought, expensive never guarantees the best; cheap is always cheap for a reason but dollar for dollar, my Jewish –Danish concoction Bernie from the Bronx, alias Haagen Dazs took the prize.  

The meter in which to judge comes from Nostriani’s Ice Cream In Blackpool.  They only make Vanilla Ice-cream; no other flavors and now into their third and fourth  generation,  the granddaughter is  running this superb ice cream parlour.   If you venture to the North West of the United Kingdom; take a detour to Blackpool seaside and visit Notriani.   Since 1937, through WWII, with its sugar ration, losing their men to Hitler’s dominance, Luigi Notriani, an Italian immigrant has managed to keep his recipe intact and produce the most devastating Vanilla Ice Cream, beaver or no beaver.

Bubble Chucks, a satisfied customers says it all:  There is ice-cream and then there is Notarianni's ice-cream. We visited earlier this week during a trip to the north of England. We chose to have it unencumbered by sprinkles and sauces. It is creamy, flavoursome and oh so unctuous and moreish.

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