FB CONUNDRUM.

What happens to your FACEBOOK when you die?  A rather morbid thought but if you are like me, particular and punctilious, cleaning up your act is just  a necessary process.   Not that it would matter as when you depart, things that are left undone, you surely wouldn’t know or care. But out there, floating in the WorldWideWeb for immortality are all your personal pictures, flirty inbox messages, party videos, your extreme sentiments on political ideology, birthday messages, graduation pictures, and even ultrasound scans of your babies. (Not to mention any verbal fights that break out from time to time) - I am talking about all the posts on Facebook through the years. 

So I checked with FACEBOOK and they have instituted a policy a few years ago regarding how to handle the profiles of deceased individuals. Family members could choose one of two options: close the account—Facebook will delete an account permanently upon the family’s request—or converting the account into a memorial profile. Facebook’s policy states the company will never release login information to anyone other than the account holder, even after death.

In the five year span of being a member of this crazy social media, my meager total  of 500 or so friends consists of people I meet socially, old school friends, ex lovers, family members and a host of uncategorized peeps.  In the corner of my globe, the statistics say there are some 15 million Facebook users.  Basic calculation of a half a percent death rate means 75,000 are floating out there without it ever being dismantled, turned off, or deactivated.  This poses some problems.  First of all it is kind of spooky.  Second, identity stealing is criminal. And third, my lawyer will have the extra task  to include the password in my will and testament besides dealing with the millions I’m leaving my loved ones.  (a little over exaggeration there).   Or else one of my “thinking” relative will contact FACEBOOK on my behalf.

Let me take you back a mere five years ago, when all this was not even considered,  This is what probably took place.

“Are you on Facebook?”

A socially innocent question asked at a function.

“No”

A response, worthy of a little bemused look at such a disdainful past time.

Like it or not, explanations would be given in great detail of the essentials of being on Facebook, the wall-to-wall postings, uploading pictures, tagging pictures, comments, pokes, games, catching up with old school friends’.  This will leave you a little befuddled, low-tech and lagging behind.   Enough of this modern world – its time to go back to the world of fountain pens and Waterford marked paper.

But if you said,

“Yes, I’m on Facebook – be my friend, or look me up”

A whole new world has just opened.   Having been a member of Facebook for now over 5 years, there is light under the tunnel. Understanding the FB culture is multi-layered and truly remarkable to be a part of this phenomenon.     It is a world of connections.   The six-degree separation theory is now old hat.

The world has never seemed smaller or more connected than Facebook.   Whether it is a friend, an ex-lover, or relatives in a distant land, and having not been in contact for eons, it is now available to keep up with on a daily basis is fascinating.  Building up contacts on Facebook, friends can expand very quickly when navigating around friends of friends. Certain business require you to be on Facebook substantiating your authenticity.  Many ask to be friends, discretion is whether or not to confirm or ignore. A rather complicated set of ethics of FB good manners needs to be added as a reminder to those that lack manners.

There are times when it is decidedly better to shut off from the world, de-activate FB when "the" relationship is broken, but you know you will go back to it when you feel very left out.

So, what to do with a dead user’s information remains a tricky subject. Most social networking sites allow users to post comments and messages to each other, but who owns that data? Is it the recipient, the sender or the company? If you’ve left a message for someone and they pass away, can you retrieve it? These are questions most sites have yet to address.

The responsibility should really fall   onto you and your family. It’s not a lot of fun to think about but a little consideration could save your loved ones from experiencing hours of frustration on top of their grief.

Let me be honest, I joined Facebook knowing the perils of privacy.  I am after all, human. I just fall into the voyeurism group.  There are many FB profiles but I'm in the category of an  ADHD with a few seconds to spare in between meetings, waiting for the traffic to ease, or just plain bored out of my skull having retrieved 30 minuets of valuable time from some cancellation. 

Inactive for the most part, I really don’t wish to announce where I had just been in the world or what I had just eaten. But there lies my perversion, I like to spy on my FB friends, find out as much as time allows before I get utterly bored.  It is curiosity mingled with an excuse of being in touch. 

There is a thought that pervades the back of my mind every time I check in on my wall.  My friendships range from ex lovers, high school friends, my kids, my husband’s friends, work colleagues, nieces and nephews, even the dreaded older brother and general people that fall into neither of these categories, they all are in my “room”.  If any of these friends wish to tie the ends together, they can spin an interesting tale….  The tale has many different endings and just imagining they are truly in “my living room”, does gets me all in a tizzy before I close my eyes to sleep.

Which brings me to my dilemma of the FB conundrum. 

Should we have ways to dismantle, deactivate when the time comes.  Or allow it to hang around for eternity.

This thought is the one that really  keeps me awake at night.