CHOCOLATE AND SEX

The Bounty

IT’S ALL ABOUT CHOCOLATE AND NOT SEX

The imaginary Italian male model

Shameless is my name, I have consistently and perpetually sinned, and admit hopelessly that I am addicted to everything that is Chocolate. That’s right, Chocolates not Sex.   I have no pride, and can easily be corrupted even for a bar of cheap and cheerful ones found in vending machines, or local minimarts.  My habits are expensive as I quest to find the most delectable ones from Brugge in Belgium.  If I could justify this action but have yet to find the courage, it would be, to test all the available chocolate bars on offer, one by one and rate them.

 I openly voiced my thoughts out loud and was challenged by my equally addicted friend.   Together we are finding ways not to overdose and kill ourselves on overindulgence but, hey, this not a bad way to die.   The French called this “la belle mort” translated “ A beautiful death” on a different connotation.  So let’s be creative.  

Because I don’t live in continental Europe, my selection is limited to the market buyers, who although may have confectioners knowledge, are controlled by mass retail marketing.   Sorry for my snobbery, but chocolate aficionados will be highly offended by the choices I have selected.

Swiss supermarket shelf

The supermarket limited selections are  Swiss Lindt, Cadbury, Toblerone, Guylain, Dove, Hershey, Ritter Sport and Ferrero Roche.  Although there were other delectable brands on offer, casting a wide net is never good policy.   With a narrow range to be tested, I had to give equal opportunity for all countries that produce melt-in-the-mouth morsels such as the Swiss, Germans, Brits  Belgians, Italians and Americans.

Just as a girl has to have guidelines in choices of men, the same should go for chocolates.  This is going to be fun and terribly decadent so to take it on a level of  semi- seriousness, I have made some criteria that will guide the testing. 

They have to be unrefrigerated, (with men definitely - a warm body is much more palatable) tested on texture, (not too rugged, not too effeminate)  for smoothness (a charmer and a seducer) an after-taste (remain remarkably the same after decades). All are milk chocolate ( a good mixture is always a steady choice, than risk concentrated unadulterated sophistication)  The chocolate content, (the sum of his values)  price on gram against gram (the balance sheet)  and that X factor that sends me into addicted oblivion that nothing else will do, not even husbandly charms.   (I’m talking about chocolates now).

Oops he’s not going like this.   So here goes.

Swiss Lindt

Like the perfect man, the Swiss choice was dependable.  Great texture, milky and chocolaty, just sweet enough after every bite.    The quality is outstanding and greatly satisfies all urges down to every last sensory taste buds.

A favourite of my tasting partner.   It is sensual smooth and seductive.   Not too sweet, it leaves you with that wanting “more” sensation.

As the wrapper says “Temptation is fun….giving in is even better”.   I gave in.

Brash and overpowering taste, both by sweetness and intense cocoa flavor  – all too much of everything.    Its after taste takes you back to childhood palates.   Fun, great for a snack, but easily forgetful.

The older generation of Toblerone had more density and immense flavor.  Something had changed and diluted the taste.  The change was Kraft Foods.  It used to be one of my secret sacred pleasure, tucked by my bedside to be savoured last thing at night.  Someone else has taken its place, and I’m not telling…..

Strong, dependable, tasty, chocolaty.  Great for outdoors, after a hike.  100% quality like what you would expect from the people of Mercedes Benz land.  Three generation of chocolatiers keeping up their traditions. 

All buyouts by large conglomerates change what was traditionally magnificent to an inferior product.  Everything about it, apart from the cocoa bean has to be British, but this is no longer George Cadbury’s recipe of the 1878 but more of Kraft’s mass produce manufactured in Poland

What is all the fuss about?   Pretend sophisticated packaging, the crunchy outer shell looks inviting until you bite, it is just plain cheap and rough.   Just like the suave Italian gigolo, great packaging, a good promise, but  alas, empty balls.

It was an afternoon of esctacy and we tried very hard not to indulge.  Every morsel, good and bad, was savored with delight….. you see,  chocoholics are addicts.  

Molecular structure of Seratonin

The sugar in chocolate releases the chemical called Seratonin.   Seratonin  helps feelings of depression and anxiety.   Then there is the sweet taste  of chocolate releasing endorphins in the brain  and gives this euphoric rush.  The fat in chocolate purely enriches the flavor and smells, enticing our senses and satisfies another nerve chemical called galanin.    It also contains theobromine and caffeine which gives mental boost.  

molecular structure of Phenylethylamine

Then there’s phenylethylamine

which increases the heart rate and blood pressure, and gives you the same tingly feelings as being in love.  The list  of  ingredients and chemical reactions go on and on.  

The Bliss Molecule - Anandamine

But most addictive is anandamine. It is known as the "bliss molecule"   It mimics the effects of marijuana..  Unfortunately there is not enough of this anadamine  to give a global high.

Now if only our Supreme Creator could remake Seratonin, Galanin, Theobromine, Caffeine, Phenylethylamine and Anadmaine in the shape of an Italian male model, with a German brain, a Swiss heart,  English integrity, Belgian sophistication and an American brashness, we wouldn’t need chocolates at all.    Now would we?